It’s your physiotherapist’s favourite phrase: “Just one more rep.”
Last week, it felt empowering to get that last rep in. But today, it’s not feeling so good.
Everything hurts, your pain is surging, and you’re mentally exhausted… but you keep pushing because you don’t want to disappoint your physio.
After the session, you’re in more pain than you were before and feeling resentful, thinking, “Don’t they realize I can’t do this today?”
It’s a classic case of people pleasing: doing something that doesn’t feel right because you’re worried about disappointing someone else.
If you find yourself people pleasing during your physiotherapy sessions, you’re not alone. In Pain Reprocessing Therapy (PRT), people pleasing often shows up as a protective trait.
Let’s take a deeper look into what it is, how it shows up in physio, and how you can set boundaries with your physiotherapist when you notice it happening.
People Pleasing, Defined by PRT
People pleasing is when you shape your personality or behaviour to be likeable, agreeable, or universally accepted. It can show up when you want to be seen as the “good student” or the “easy client”, even when it doesn’t feel right.
Naturally, we want to please others, but this trait can go into overdrive, making you feel that disappointing others threatens your well-being.
People pleasing is a cycle, too. One that we see a lot in chronic pain.
Picture this: you head into work on a Monday morning, and your boss sends you a message. One of your team members is off sick, so they need extra help and might need you to stay a bit later this week.
Of course, you’ve already planned a gym session, a physiotherapy appointment, and are meeting a good friend for coffee. You aren’t getting any extra pay for the work, but budgets have been tight recently. You don’t want to lose your job by saying no. So, you cancel the coffee and skip your gym session.
Your boss thanks you and tells you how reliable you are. That feels good! Your people pleasing worked out, so the next time he asks you to stay late, you say yes… and the cycle continues.
People pleasing feels like essential self-preservation in the moment. But long-term? It’s not sustainable.
How People Pleasing Shows Up in Physiotherapy
People pleasing isn’t just mentally stressful; it affects your body, too.
Let’s go back to the scenario we just discussed. You’re already exhausted, and your back pain is showing up. Your physiotherapist told you to make sure you get up from your desk every hour, but you risk your boss seeing you leaving your desk.
You opt to stay in your seat, and your pain gets worse.
People pleasing shows up a lot in physiotherapy or exercise classes, too. Have you ever:
- Lied to your physio about doing your exercises?
- Stayed silent about an exercise that felt painful, because you wanted to be a “good student”?
- Done “one more rep” when your body was telling you not to?
That’s classic people pleasing.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait, that sounds like me”, that’s okay! Recognizing when you’re doing something that doesn’t feel aligned with how you actually feel is the first step to making a positive change.
Setting Boundaries with Your Physiotherapist
Setting boundaries with your physiotherapist is key to preventing people pleasing. A good physio will help you set those boundaries by giving you opportunities to communicate how you’re feeling.
They’ll check in and ask how you’re feeling during a session, notice your facial expressions, or see you clench up when you’re working too hard. They might prompt you to relax, check in with yourself, and give you space to reregulate.
There are times when they might miss these subtle signs that you’re pushing too hard: maybe you’re in a class setting, you’re masking your pain, or they’re standing behind you and can’t see your face.
In these moments, it’s important to speak up! Here are some scripts that you can use to help you express your needs:
- “Hey, my pain is starting to creep up. I am ok right now, but I have this feeling that this might be unmanageable soon. I’m letting you know that I need to rest.”
- “Wow, that was hard. Thank you for pushing me, but I need to stop.”
- “Sometimes, this feels okay, but today, I don’t think I can do this exercise.”
- “I actually need to be pushed more, but I just get scared something bad will happen. Could you help me to get over the fear so that I can do more by myself?”
- “Can we try doing one more rep and see how I feel afterward? I want to try, but I need to listen to my body.”
Telling your physio doesn’t make them upset – it lets them be in the conversation with you. You’re working towards the same goal, and they can meet you where you’re at. Maybe that’s through adjustments, or maybe it’s just through taking a break.
Setting boundaries is never going to disappoint your practitioner. It’s going to help them support you in a way that feels safe.
The Importance of Listening to Your Body
Many of us rely on people pleasing to protect ourselves from perceived threats. But when you let go of people pleasing? You have the opportunity to listen to your body and find out what it really needs.
Expressing your needs, and allowing your physiotherapist to meet them, is a huge deal. This is where the brain learns movement can be safe and that we don’t need to squash our needs to make others happy.
If you’re struggling with people pleasing, talk to your practitioner. You might find it opens up a wonderful conversation. Your care is important and being heard is essential for safety and progress.
And if you have tried this with a practitioner and didn’t feel listened to, you might want to consider a different approach.
At Embodied, we take the time to understand you and your pain. You’ll always be seen as a person first, and we’ll always listen to you without judgement. Boundaries are welcome, and your emotional safety is key.
You can book an appointment with us anytime on Janeapp.